Good Girl Vs. Bad Girl Behavior in Korea

A reader responds: "My school has 3 native teachers: myself from the US, and female teachers from China and Japan. We have been told that I can't walk around the school/eat a meal/or do something with only 1 of the female teachers; it has to be both female teachers at the same time. It looks "bad" to Koreans when a single male teacher and a single female teacher do something alone.

The male students, well some of them are terrorists in training, but IF they get punished it is very light. If the female students do the same thing, they receive more severe and longer lasting punishment, ie pulling weeds outside for 3 days, being forced to kneel for 8 hours, etc.. The punishment should be the same, but it's not."

- A foreign highschool teacher in Korea.

Remember when Kevin, another foreigner in Suwon, wrote of a Korean girl who refused to be seen in public with him for fear of being perceived as a "bad girl?" People stared and gave them dirty looks. One even pressed his nose up to the restaurant window where they ate.
I first got a glimpse into the good/bad girl phenomena when I was warned to dress appropriately. I upset a Korean friend's Grandmother when I failed to place a pillow over my bent knees, playing yut nori, on the floor in a skirt.
I was also sternly warned to never label a child a "bad boy" or "bad girl." That's obvious to me; comment on behavior, not character. You're acting bad, not you are bad.
But appearances are of utmost importance in Korea. On the bus ride back from the Folk Village, an adult student discussed the Korean focus on being exemplary. For women this means being beautiful and kind with a "good character." Smart? Talented? That's a plus.
I've heard that Korean women occasionally go through a procedure to repair their hymens and fake virginity on their wedding night. Purity is glorified, and it may be a root of the obsession with white skin. Whitening lotions are pushed at every cosmetics shop in Korea. I was even given samples of whitening toners, when I bought mascara-- and I'm as pale as they get.
Although Korea has a big drinking culture, women who drink more than a couple of beers are often judged. The average Korean guy is not impressed by a girl who can hold her liquor, let alone one who can't. I've mentioned women's bathroom stalls filled with smoke on sunny days. Smoking speaks of a woman's lack of discipline and generally poor character.
Some male University students told me they preferred, "a lady," someone feminine and easy to talk to. Tae Hun described a willowy Korean girl with hair done up in a bun. Even in a developed country where one night stands happen and there's a motel every 5 blocks, traditions prevail.
A male coworker disputed the whole tomboy thing by writing, "Eva is a lady," on the white board. He meant it as a major compliment. He later said he was repulsed by one of our coworkers, a broad-shouldered and opinionated woman with a husky voice. She can eat a lot, she can play poker and pocket ball. Her strong character would be admired in the West. In fact, I aspire to be more like her.