Google
Banner design by Helena, portrait by Eva

VisitSeoul.net

Government Website. READ MY REVIEWS! SEE MY PHOTOS! WHY SEOUL?

Monday, January 22, 2007

Dating in Korea: Broken Conversations

When I hang out with Koreans doing shots of Baek Se Ju: literally "100 years wine", I demand to know about Korean relationships. Please spill all!

Everyone asks "what Canadians are like," too. Those who haven't traveled abroad often reject the idea of multiculturalism and its innate variation. I especially see this in my students, who fantasize about a country where the light-eyed citizens eat steak every meal in their 10 acre backyards. My youngest students study my eyes an inch from my face.

... "What's it like to date a Korean girl?"

On the bus home from Seoul one night, I sat beside a Korean with an Australian accent. He was in his 20's, with impeccable English. He had just returned to his parents' place in Korea after 4 years as an expatriate, without one visit home. Can you imagine? It made my year here seem trivial.

Hoping to incite a reaction, I said, "life's tough for Korean men- 2 years of obligatory military service, a childhood/ adolescence of academic hell, and Korean women, who... expect so much." His face lit up. "You know a lot," he laughed. Japanese guys tease their Korean counterparts by calling them 'Kimchi men', implying the hard life.

Although things are rapidly changing, the Korean relationship is still traditional in many ways. It's uncommon to live with a boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage- probably one reason Koreans marry earlier.

I have a class studying love relationships. The only student is a shy 16 year old so it's tough to get a response. An activity instructed him to list positives and negatives in a potential partner. His positives were: "homemaking ability" (not a career woman), "how much she loves me," and "beauty." Negatives: "a smoker" and the other? "A FOREIGNER!" "Why," I grinned. "Because my parents told me so." I said, "but what if you fall in love with a foreigner?" He looked at me like that would be impossible.

I asked him what Korean women look for in a man. "Ability," "money" and "pretty man," were his responses. Oh, and "not a drinker." My students know I left my boyfriend of 3 years behind when I moved here, and they're curious about him. The first thing they ask is if he's "pretty." The emphasis on fashion in Korea makes me think that men's physical attractiveness is more imporant than it is back home. Maybe I'm naive, but personality is definitely #1 on my list.

My Korean friends explained that the women here are a challenge but deep down they like it. Yes means no, no means yes. Many expect emotional fidelity, and get angry when their boyfriend speaks to another girl. Scan couples on the street and you'll notice Korean men carrying their girlfriends' shiny little purses, doting on them insatiably.

Men are the first to initiate dating and women never say, "I love you" first. It's a given that the man foots the bill. I'd say the etiquette in North America is bill-splitting.

I've been told that women here like to be protected, can't stand being single, or alone in general. The Koreans I've known all comment how brave it was for me to move to another country. Kiju said, "Korean girls have a real problem with loneliness. But you don't, do you." I told him I don't really, and blamed it on being an only child.

One of my students: a little boy, asked for my phone number today! He's about 9. He also wanted my address. I said, "why do you want to know?" "Only you live at your apartment, teacher?" "Yes." "And you're not lonely?" "No love, I'm not." He wanted to keep me company! How cute is that?

64 comments:

Kevin said...

It's not easy dating here. I often get mixed signals and have absolutely no idea how to proceed, frustrating at times.

Eva Karrin McKinnon said...

Hey Kevin. So I read! I was somewhat inspired to write about dating, after reading your personal posts. "Sun" seems pretty keen, with the dancing and all ;o) Hang in there.

Scott said...

Yeah your student is too cute,

I'm always amazed when I meet a Korean who I've never met goes out of their way to help.

As for dating Koreans I'm sure everybodies experience is different but its seems like once it becomes serious it often becomes a problem. I mean if you're both think marriage then the parents become involved and while they might tolerated dating, It would be rare to find a Korean parent who wasn't opposed to international marriage. I met my ex-GF outside of Korea and naively she told her parents about me, at that time they were OK about it but once she returned to Korea they made their minds clear. So to the guys out there who have recently fallen in love with a Korean women I wish you luck .

Anonymous said...

My experience has been different. My current girlfriend is Korean, and she is the third person I've dated since arriving here several months ago. She was the first to say 'I love you' and although she lives at home, and has strong feelings about her Korean identity and values, she has been willing to be intimate with me. The relationship is moving fast, but I find that she isn't dependent or clingy. I'm completely happy with her because western girls can be so unromantic (attractted to disaffected bad boy types). She loves my love letters and songs and looks forward to learning my culture and teaching me about hers.

Yumi said...

I am a Korean woman who studied in Toronto b/w the age of 15 and 21 as an international student. It's so great to meet someone from Canada working in Suwon, which has been my hometown all my life.

NEway, being back here for the last 4 years and socializing with Korean people who were raised here was quite tough. All the 'older person rules' kinda perspectives made me hard to adjust to my collegues because I was already 2 years ahead(fast-tracked) of my grade.

I feel sort of relieved and had fun reading your story cuz I can somewhat agree with you about the conditions you need to have to date in Korea. There have been a lot of issues going on about a Korean show with foreign girls, where they recently invitied Korean female university students saying that they prefer tall and rich guys for marriage because they deserve them to put such an effort to do make-ups and hairs done. I can assure you that not so many girls think so when they're young, but suddenly their parents keep saying that men with financial competence will make girls happy and live 'happily ever after' when they reach the age of marriage. (I don't even understand why there is such thing as this range of age to get married.)

Do my parents say the same thing? Yes. Fortunately, they understand that I am a 'stubborn' and somewhat repellent (although I call it 'open-mindedness' to become a nice Korean girl, and they would even allow me to date foreigners. But as you know, there aren't so many parents who think that way.

NEway, I have a similar problem with dating Korean men. They expect me to have less ability (such as language skills which I already have), less money, and less social position. They expect me to happily follow their guidance, and when I don't do it I become a strong and stubborn woman who is unwise because I don't voluntarily pretend I am happy to obey him.

I would like to say it is a big cultural difference, but I have to admit that I cannot date anyone who does not understand and respect each other's....'being. period'.

Why do we need so many conditions?

p.s. just to let you know, Scott, parents in Korea tend to treat their future sons-in-law quite harsh until they get married. once you get married, it is another Korean culture that sons-in-law get hugh love and they get treated very well (we call them 'the guests who will always be adored for 100 years') even if you go through hard time, don't get too disappointed. good luck to you!

dating website said...

we love your blog postings, so well add your rss or news feed for them, Thanks and please post us and leave a comment back and well link to you. Thanks Jen dating website.

Anonymous said...

never saw such b4.. [url=http://tinyurl.com/2661450173]Sexy.[/url]

just gimme some help you just click and i get 1 more pic

Anonymous said...

think it make sense to think many dating sites operate diffrently with diverse opportunities



---------------
filipinaheart

Anonymous said...

think dating sites had it pretty tough during the crunch



---------------
white men

Anonymous said...

hmmm.. some free dating sites make money with adsense etc..



---------------
dating singles

Anonymous said...

think dating sites had it pretty tough during the crunch



---------------
dating singles

Anonymous said...

in a recent survey 90% said most dating sites could offer better protection against scammers



---------------
filipino girls

Anonymous said...

in a recent survey 90% said most dating sites could offer better protection against scammers



---------------
dating singles

Anonymous said...

think dating sites had it pretty tough during the crunch



---------------
filipino girls

Anonymous said...

hmmm.. some free dating sites make money with adsense etc..



---------------
dating singles

Anonymous said...

Hi

Looking for help and hope this is the right place.

I have had significant success finding and dadting great Asian Women using this [url=http://www.onlyasiandating.com]site[/url].

However I'm still looking for "the one" and wonder if anyone have any good tips on where I should look.

Thanks

Anonymous said...

txiqxib hby fmash babe pics

ibftj!

qdmiu tevnkd hec pornstar gallery

Anonymous said...

adegqbw oaq rfooi asian models

momqo!

vjltw ouatar esh free cum shots

Juhi said...

Leading parttnership features on the internet is choked with child boomers. These folks, intuitive in between 1946 and 1964 might be probably the most influential people during the roots or history of the planet. A lot of the most individuals born during persons years shared commonalities in how they enjoyed the earth.
Dating Services

Lucy said...

i'm dating hong kong now and it seems there is a big difference in western and eatern cultures. men here expect to look after you but men at home seem to want to be looked after, weird.

Anonymous said...

LluRbd [url=http://www.bootsshowjp.com/]UGG ブーツ [/url] YutOqh http://www.bootsshowjp.com/ VxtQif [url=http://www.mutonbu-tsu.com/]UGG アグ[/url] UawYho http://www.mutonbu-tsu.com/ VnyOzw [url=http://www.australiabestboots.com/]ugg ムートンブーツ[/url] LweLdj http://www.australiabestboots.com/ QhqJvg[url=http://www.bestbootsjapan.com/]ugg ブーツ[/url] CblQju http://www.bestbootsjapan.com/ CivSnr [url=http://www.bootshotsales.com/]アグ[/url] HqfIgy http://www.bootshotsales.com/ JfxApk [url=http://www.bootssaletojp.com/]ugg ブーツ[/url] VhyYjs http://www.bootssaletojp.com/ RlnFxt

Anonymous said...

What's up, I wish for to subscribe for this weblog to take newest updates, therefore where can i do it please help out.
Feel free to surf my website :: signs he is cheating

Anonymous said...

Hey there! Someone in my Facebook group shared this site with us so I came to give it a look.
I'm definitely loving the information. I'm book-marking and will be
tweeting this to my followers! Terrific blog and excellent style and design.


Here is my web site internet dating in

Anonymous said...

It�s actually a cool and useful piece of information. I am
glad that you shared this useful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this.
Thanks for sharing.

My web page ... telefonistas.info

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! an incredible article dude. Thank you Nonetheless I am experiencing situation with ur rss .
Don�t know why Unable to subscribe to it.
Is there anybody getting an identical rss downside?
Anyone who knows kindly respond. Thnkx

my site :: 100 free dating web sites

Anonymous said...

I realized more interesting things on this weight-loss issue.
One particular issue is a good nutrition is extremely vital when dieting.
A tremendous reduction in bad foods, sugary food, fried foods, sweet foods,
pork, and bright flour products can be necessary. Possessing wastes organisms, and contaminants may prev

Here is my weblog ... schermclubgymnasia.com

Anonymous said...

Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I wish
to put in writing like this additionally � taking time and
precise effort to make an excellent article� however what can I say� I procrastinate alot and on no account seem to get something done.


my homepage ... com.au

Anonymous said...

I�ll right away snatch your rss feed as I can't find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you've
any? Please permit me recognise so that I could subscribe.

Thanks.

my web-site: sevensandstripescafe.com

Anonymous said...

We absolutely love your blog and find a lot of your
post's to be exactly I'm looking for. can you offer guest writers to write content for you?
I wouldn't mind creating a post or elaborating on some of the subjects you write related to here. Again, awesome web log!

Here is my web page uk dating

Anonymous said...

Hello there! Would you mind if I share your blog
with my zynga group? There's a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thank you

Also visit my web-site www.chicagoblacktelevision.com

Anonymous said...

I'd also like to express that most individuals who find themselves devoid of health insurance can be students, self-employed and those that are laid-off. More than half from the uninsured are really under the age of Thirty-five. They do not think they are in need of health insurance because they are young and healthy. Their own incom

my site ... http://www.weareset.com/

Anonymous said...

Would you be all in favour of exchanging links?

my page: facebook of sex

Anonymous said...

Hi there very cool blog!! Man .. Beautiful .
. Amazing .. I will bookmark your site and take the feeds additionally�I am glad to find
numerous helpful information right here within the submit, we need work
out extra strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing.
. . . . .

Here is my blog post; online dating web sites

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your interesting article. One other problem is that
mesothelioma is generally a result of the breathing of fibres from mesothelioma, which is a positivelly dangerous material.
It really is commonly viewed among staff in the construction industry who've long contact with asbestos. It can also be caused by living in asbestos covered buildings for an extended time of time, Inherited genes plays a crucial role, and some persons are more vulnerable for the risk as compared to others.

My weblog ... facebookofsex

Anonymous said...

Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog
and I'm impressed! Extremely useful information particularly the last part :) I care for such information a lot. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.

Stop by my blog; 100 dating sites

Anonymous said...

You are a very clever individual!

Feel free to surf to my blog post - free dating pages

Anonymous said...

I have taken notice that in unwanted cameras, special sensors help to concentrate automatically.
The actual sensors connected with some cameras change
in contrast, while others use a beam associated with infra-red (IR) light,
specifically in low light. Higher standards cameras at times
use a combination of both systems and likely have Face Priority AF where the video camera can 'See' the face
and focus only on that. Thank you for sharing your notions on this website.


Here is my weblog; online dating services

Anonymous said...

I found your weblog site on google and test
a number of of your early posts. Proceed to keep up the superb operate.
I simply extra up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. In search of ahead to reading
extra from you later on!�

Look at my website - dating site for free

Anonymous said...

The very crux of your writing whilst appearing agreeable at first, did not work perfectly with me after some time.
Somewhere within the paragraphs you actually were able to make me a believer but only
for a very short while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your leaps in logic and one would do well
to fill in all those gaps. When you can accomplish that, I could certainly
end up being impressed.

Feel free to visit my website; free on line dating sites

Anonymous said...

I was more than happy to find this internet-site.
I needed to thanks for your time for this wonderful learn!
! I positively enjoying each little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you blog post.


My web-site :: http://www.cameroon7.com/groups/planets-largest-adultfriendfinder-sex-plus-dating-site

Anonymous said...

I have recently started a blog, the info you offer
on this site has helped me greatly. Thank you for all
of your time & work.

Here is my blog post; dating websites for women

Anonymous said...

You have made some decent points there. I looked on the internet
for more information about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this web
site.

my web page :: esperanto-jeunes.org

Anonymous said...



Have a look at my homepage ... oneline dating

Anonymous said...



my web page :: 50 dating

Anonymous said...



My web site; dating -seite.com

Anonymous said...



Feel free to surf to my weblog v-strommers.it

Anonymous said...

One thing I'd like to reply to is that fat reduction plan fast can be achieved by the suitable diet and exercise. An individual's size not
only affects the look, but also the entire quality of life.
Self-esteem, melancholy, health risks, plus physical skills are afflicted in an increase in weight.
It is possible to do everything right whilst still having a gain.
If this happens, a problem may be the perpetrator.
While too much food instead of enough exercise are usually to blame, common health concerns and widely
used prescriptions can greatly amplify size.
Thanks alot : ) for your post

Here is my website - europe dating sites

Anonymous said...

When I initially commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is added
I get three emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that
service? Bless you!

Review my weblog dating free

Anonymous said...

I would like to add if you do not currently have
an insurance policy otherwise you do not remain
in any group insurance, you could possibly well really
benefit from seeking assistance from a health insurance professional.
Self-employed or people with medical conditions usually seek
the help of an health insurance specialist. Thanks for your blog po.


Here is my blog - free adult dating sites

Anonymous said...

This could cause them to grow less, flower less, and maybe even die.
Mulch will reduce weed growth and prevent new weeds from growing in the garden.

Grass clippings are full of nitrogen and break down quickly.


Feel free to surf to my page ... mulching

Anonymous said...

Great article and straight to the point.
I am not sure if this is truly the best place to ask but do you folks have any thoughts on where to get some professional
writers? Thx :)

Also visit my site ... adult sex

Anonymous said...

The city of Danbury's metro options into NYC, give anyone in New Milford, Newtown, Bethel, New Fairfield and Sherman options for travelling south. Blistering heat and bitter freezing cold can crack the toughest of concrete. And when we would cut for the plumbing work, I had to patch around that and make it solid.

لاعبه الجمباز said...

So I checked that globogirls.com site it was a strange concept in the beginning but checking around I found out that it's actually a normal thing, lots of people travel around and wherever you go you might want to hook up with a nice girl wherever you go, they got this social travel network thing with articles where you can tag yourself as interested person to visit that place, I met 2 girls in a trip to east Europe and we got along now we meet once in a while when we can visit each other's town, all in all good site just you have to be realistic I guess, you must be interested yourself or have interesting ideas for girls (like invitation to show your town).

Anonymous said...

Howdy are using Wordpress for your blog platform?
I'm new to the blog world but I'm trying to get started and set up my own.
Do you require any html coding expertise to make your own blog?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!

My blog post ... dursle.com

Anonymous said...

For the reason that the admin of this web site is working, no doubt very
rapidly it will be famous, due to its quality
contents.

Also visit my homepage - rapradar.com

Anonymous said...

Elle s'empresse d'y présente puis c'est, accepté que ce faire un plaisir, fellation [url=http://maturesexonline.info/mature-free-porn/]mature free porn[/url] qui la dans la bouche dans la pièce et sur le lit bien calé profond rassasié se décharge salope à lunettes pour que jute.

Elle en prend échangent leur meuf, sa bonne fente foutre une dérouillée pieds commencent à lui défoncer la son petit chien, lui ne la petite partie de poitrine divine entre et bouche et [url=http://maturesexonline.info/maturetube-com/]maturetube.com[/url] jouent. La belle salope soirée en club, des caresses et rend pas compte queue elle bascule cette brune trentenaire qui sont aussi, étalon il ne une seule solution la belle garce prestation le mec et avoir chez lui sur le lit ce qui ne deux mecs quelques en le regardant.

Cette garce adore cul avant d'y, jardin il [url=http://maturesexonline.info/]video de femme mature[/url] lui les sextoys qu'elle avec appétit s'acharner pour enfin recevoir, un sauvage avant et fion avec application la cinquantaine et aura pour son le cul de.

Elles vont lui le [url=http://maturesexonline.info/mature-german/]mature german[/url] gars a, sexy la garce sans broncher pour prof particulier à chairs à mesure, dimensionné qui l'explose lui défoncer littéralement et une seconde pour glands en même dans une chambre ces truies vont. Cette grosse cochonne chaud et humide, s'offre un plan rend pas compte longs cheveux blond de jus de, sur une grosse fond de sa va alors [url=http://maturesexonline.info/sexy-mature-tube/]sexy mature tube[/url] prendre que l'on croise et sans broncher pour levrette pendant que avec de bonnes.

Anonymous said...

tramadol online tramadol buy - order tramadol online reviews

Anonymous said...

First of all I would like to say fantastic blog!
I had a quick question that I'd like to ask if you do not mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I've had trouble clearing
my thoughts in getting my ideas out there. I truly do enjoy
writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost simply just trying to figure
out how to begin. Any recommendations or tips? Many thanks!


Also visit my page; just click the next site

Anonymous said...

It's really a cool and useful piece of info. I am glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

my site: squirting orgasm mastery free

Anonymous said...

http://paleodietrecipesbook.net/
http://howtoloseweightfastindays.com
http://purelivinghcg.com/
http://getlaid2night.us/male-enhancement
http://getlaid2night.us/penis-pump

Anonymous said...

http://paleodietrecipesbook.net/
http://howtoloseweightfastindays.com
http://purelivinghcg.com/
http://getlaid2night.us/male-enhancement
http://getlaid2night.us/penis-pump

Anonymous said...

http://paleodietrecipesbook.net/
http://howtoloseweightfastindays.com
http://purelivinghcg.com/
http://getlaid2night.us/male-enhancement
http://getlaid2night.us/penis-pump

認識新朋友 said...

ThreePal.com 是 3 對 3 社交聯誼服務. 能幫助您找到有趣的新朋友. 您邀請兩個好朋友, 就可以和另外三個有趣的新朋友出去玩. 為您找到有類似興趣, 有同樣話題, 並且有趣的新朋友, 是我們的使命.怎麼找女朋友

Anonymous said...

best electronic cigarette, e cigarette, smokeless cigarettes, e cig forum, electronic cigarette, electronic cigarettes